Lucifer kisses those finger tips on his lips and smiles. "What if I have decided I do not want anyone else?"
The sadness is still there and the darkness but the love is definitely seeping in. There was probably nothing in any universe that could diminish the shine in his grace for this angel.
Lucifer knows Balthazar is right. He deserves to know and maybe it would be helpful to talk but the lingering blame from Dorian keeps him silent. He doesn't want to be blamed again. He doesn't want to be told that his existence is reason enough to be abused. It brings up too much past darkness and too much hurt. More than he can safely expose with the celestials coming so soon.
"Some of the angels were out in the solarium; naked, drinking, and talking. It is a comfort to us to have that space. I think it was Mammon who invited Dorian but it did not bother me. There was a lot of drinking and opium."
This was unlikely to be any surprise to Balthazar as it was common for the fallen to fall into this kind of lazy, drug-addled but intellectual discussion. Lucifer falls silent for a time as he tries to collect himself. "He wanted me to submit to him in front of the others and I told him I couldn't trust him. There was compromise even playfulness."
The angel's breath just stops as he thinks. "I let him touch my grace. I have done that with humans before." He knows Balthazar would understand the measure of vulnerability that was for an angel and the trust it took. "He had felt it before accidentally."
Lucifer is slowly curling in on Balthazar. His grip getting tighter. When the words do come they are full of anger and the hurt of broken trust. "Dorian attempted to force me to submit to him in front of the other angels. I had to turn on him to defend myself."
A tempest of emotions is rising up in Lucifer's grace; pain, sorrow, violence, discomfort. fear, and wrath. The Wrath boiling there is probably something that Balthazar has never felt in Lucifer's grace. "He tells me it is my fault that he attempted to violate my freedom. That I deserve to be harmed for my ability to forgive and refusal to do as I am told even when it is against my will."
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branchandroot
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Date: 2020-10-18 12:58 am (UTC)The sadness is still there and the darkness but the love is definitely seeping in. There was probably nothing in any universe that could diminish the shine in his grace for this angel.
Lucifer knows Balthazar is right. He deserves to know and maybe it would be helpful to talk but the lingering blame from Dorian keeps him silent. He doesn't want to be blamed again. He doesn't want to be told that his existence is reason enough to be abused. It brings up too much past darkness and too much hurt. More than he can safely expose with the celestials coming so soon.
"Some of the angels were out in the solarium; naked, drinking, and talking. It is a comfort to us to have that space. I think it was Mammon who invited Dorian but it did not bother me. There was a lot of drinking and opium."
This was unlikely to be any surprise to Balthazar as it was common for the fallen to fall into this kind of lazy, drug-addled but intellectual discussion. Lucifer falls silent for a time as he tries to collect himself. "He wanted me to submit to him in front of the others and I told him I couldn't trust him. There was compromise even playfulness."
The angel's breath just stops as he thinks. "I let him touch my grace. I have done that with humans before." He knows Balthazar would understand the measure of vulnerability that was for an angel and the trust it took. "He had felt it before accidentally."
Lucifer is slowly curling in on Balthazar. His grip getting tighter. When the words do come they are full of anger and the hurt of broken trust. "Dorian attempted to force me to submit to him in front of the other angels. I had to turn on him to defend myself."
A tempest of emotions is rising up in Lucifer's grace; pain, sorrow, violence, discomfort. fear, and wrath. The Wrath boiling there is probably something that Balthazar has never felt in Lucifer's grace. "He tells me it is my fault that he attempted to violate my freedom. That I deserve to be harmed for my ability to forgive and refusal to do as I am told even when it is against my will."