Freedom is a length of rope, Castiel's voice growls quietly in the back of Balthazar's mind. God wants us to hang ourselves with it.
He's floundering now. There's always been a subtle dichotomy to Balthazar; half childlike, hungry for love and reassurance, half the ancient, consummate warrior, weaponsmith and scholar. In the face of this unfamiliar sorrow and pain, his more delicate side is winning out for the moment, helpless and at a loss to understand what the point is, to taking something that is normally given so freely.
He doesn't say anything for several minutes. The kiss helps some; it's some reassurance, but jealousy isn't what Balthazar is suffering from, whether that was Dorian's problem or not. In the end, even if he was supplanted by another lover in Lucifer's arms, he would probably stay anyway. This is his family now. He's not willing to lose that a second time.
That thought solidifies him some. He can't change what happened or Lucifer's feelings over the whole mess, and it sounds like Dorian won't be in a position to make another attempt to harm him, ever again. He can't heal the injury, either, but he can do what he's always done. His Grace pulls closer to Lucifer's, opening up, and he murmurs, "I love you. I'd cut out my own Grace for you if you asked. You know that, don't you?"
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branchandroot
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Date: 2020-10-18 08:08 pm (UTC)He's floundering now. There's always been a subtle dichotomy to Balthazar; half childlike, hungry for love and reassurance, half the ancient, consummate warrior, weaponsmith and scholar. In the face of this unfamiliar sorrow and pain, his more delicate side is winning out for the moment, helpless and at a loss to understand what the point is, to taking something that is normally given so freely.
He doesn't say anything for several minutes. The kiss helps some; it's some reassurance, but jealousy isn't what Balthazar is suffering from, whether that was Dorian's problem or not. In the end, even if he was supplanted by another lover in Lucifer's arms, he would probably stay anyway. This is his family now. He's not willing to lose that a second time.
That thought solidifies him some. He can't change what happened or Lucifer's feelings over the whole mess, and it sounds like Dorian won't be in a position to make another attempt to harm him, ever again. He can't heal the injury, either, but he can do what he's always done. His Grace pulls closer to Lucifer's, opening up, and he murmurs, "I love you. I'd cut out my own Grace for you if you asked. You know that, don't you?"